Devotional Sex: Her Pleasure Drives your Passion

Many relationships have a very straightforward and genitals-oriented perspective on sex, that it is an act that is simply done and then finished. You get your clothes on and go back to the rest of your day or night without much thought about what you have just done with your partner. Sex might seem rushed, predictable and even lackluster when your intimate life is void of a deeper intimacy that has less to do with what your genitals are doing and more to do with how your minds are connecting during moments of affection. This is where Devotional Sex can turn your old sex life on its head, restoring your vitality and lust for each other by practicing more effective mindfulness and respect for one another’s arousal and sexual appetites.

When Devotional Sex enters your life, sex stops being a “come and done” affair. Instead, his craving for his partner can persist all day and night with just a few subtle cues and actions fueling the fire. A lifestyle focused on Devotional Sex will result in fewer ejaculations on the man’s part, and that is a huge part of the point of this practice. He only ejaculates when he’s with his lover, and when she decides that he may. This allows even the most meek of female partners to have authority in their sex lives without being dominating over their male lovers.

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More than that, Devotional Sex effectively guides men toward a less selfish outlook on sex with women. Because he comes only when she okays the action while offering her oral pleasure or other forms of pleasurable intimacy (such as a sexually-charged cuddle), most men who dive into Devotional Sex become enthusiastic givers of oral. Their lady’s pleasure builds their lust for her, making their most intimate moments of connection even more satisfying than ever before. When he finally does ejaculate, the pleasure racing through his body is likely to be more intense and offer a deeper bonding experience with his partner.

With a Devotional Sex lifestyle, everybody wins. Sex doesn’t end when the man climaxes, and oftentimes there doesn’t have to be a climax at all. And that doesn’t mean that his arousal is being rejected. Even when his lover doesn’t have the energy to go “all the way,” she might do things like gently hold his erection so that he doesn’t feel as if his own sexual energy is being turned away.

There are many ways to practice Devotional Sex, either as a temporary change of techniques or as a wider lifestyle choice, so no two “Devotee” couples are exactly alike. However, the aim is the same across all couples who participate in this more conscious form of making love: They feel a deeper and more satisfactory connection to their partner.

I have had the pleasure of interviewing the creator of, who is also responsible for the coinage of the term and the popularization of this mindful approach to relationships and intimacy in more than an explicitly sexual form.

Q: What is the difference between briefly practicing Devotional Sex versus living Devotional Sex as a lifestyle?

A: If a couple just occasionally do a few days of Devotional Sex this tends to be high intensity fun. He isn’t used to not ejaculating which adds intensity, and for the short time she enjoys his increasing energy.

As Devotional Sex is practiced more often he learns to control his energy and he can last for many more days. It’s still a bit more intense than normal life, so many couples decide to practice it most of the time but have breaks when they have a rest and go back to normal.

The key to living Devotional Sex is for her to insert the quieter times into their Devotional Sex lives. So he accepts that there can be a day or two when nothing much happens (other than some cuddles). When he only ever ejaculates when with her and when she decides, most couples find that this creates a powerful bond between them which becomes an important part of their relationship.

So short spells are high intensity fun, whilst living Devotional Sex creates a very sexy new normal which deepens the bond between couples.


Q: On your website you discuss how this lifestyle enhances a man’s sexual energy and celebrates his arousal. Have you heard of or spoken with men who reject Devotional Sex because of the fewer instances of ejaculation in their lives? Is this practice sometimes more frustrating than beneficial?

A: One of the good things about Devotional Sex is that many ‘normal’ women can read about it and think that it would be fun to try. But if she then tells her partner she would like to try something where he has far fewer ejaculations and he fulfills all her sexual and sensual wishes …

So a major challenge in my writing is getting past a man’s initial negative reaction to explain why he may enjoy Devotional Sex as much or even more than her. Like with any other technique – Tantric Sex, BDSM, Hand Free Orgasms, etc – the technique will only be of interests to those who think the benefits are promising enough to put in the effort to first learn more about it and then give it a go.

So Devotional Sex will always be a minority practice. But imagine if 1% of couples did it? And as it is so beneficial to relationships (and fun) I can imagine a world where up to 10% of couples practiced it. That would make Devotional Sex more popular than well known techniques such as Tantric Sex and BDSM!

I don’t really expect to live to see the day where even 1% of couples do Devotional Sex, but it is fun to imagine. 🙂


Q: Are there any struggles or hurdles that can impact a couple’s ability to engage in Devotional Sex? How can they work around things such as hectic life schedules, children or other time-consuming life obligations?

A: With ‘normal’ sex one person accepting the advance of the other means that things will quickly progress to a few minutes of foreplay followed by a few minutes of intercourse (and his ejaculation). This means that even if one would enjoy some erotic intimacy but doesn’t feel like doing it all, they usually reject the advance (leaving one feeling rejected and the other feeling pressured).

Though Devotional Sex is best learned when a couple can devote some time to it, because what happens is only what she wishes, and she can end things when she wishes (without having to make him ejaculate), it becomes very easy to fit some erotic activity and intimacy into a hectic or stressful time.

For example, if she is the one not keen on full sex, instead of her pretending to be asleep so that she doesn’t have to have intercourse, she can have an erotic cuddle with her partner and enjoy holding his erection and nothing further happens. She can enjoy feeling desired and loved without doing things she doesn’t feel like, and he can enjoy desiring her and feel that he is accepted rather than rejected. You can imagine what a difference this makes to the relationship!


Q: Have you any advice for individuals who want to bring up the subject of Devotional Sex with their partner?

A: First read enough about Devotional Sex to be sure that you are willing to give it a try. Then think about Devotional Sex from your partner’s point-of-view. You know them best, so what might they really like about giving it a go? Also think about what roadblocks your partner may have. You may need to explain why Devotional Sex is different from things you have tried in the past that didn’t work.

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The best way for both you and your partner to understand Devotional Sex is to give it a try. Many find that what seems weird on paper very quickly starts to feel natural. And though Devotional Sex will have many rewards for you, remember the aim of the first sessions is for your partner to enjoy the experience enough to be willing to try it again.


Q: You describe Exaltation as an ‘emotional orgasm.’ Does this truly compare to the pleasure of a physical orgasm?

A: A normal ejaculation and orgasm is a greater quick physical pleasure. But think of how a man feels if he has built up his energy at the Plateau level and then he is denied ejaculation. All that energy is felt as powerful frustration! That he doesn’t enjoy frustration is so accepted that rather than talking about her giving him an orgasm we often talk about her giving him release (so the pleasure of the orgasm is just a nice side-effect of ending his high energy state and avoiding frustration).

Exaltation takes the high energy of frustration and directs that into feeling intense intimacy and connection. This is very powerful for a man – both sexually and emotionally. And as his energy takes some time to fall the intensity of Exaltation then slowly falls to become relaxed intimacy and connection as the couple cuddle and she just gently holds his erection.

As he has not ejaculated he continues to carry, in a positive way, background erotic energy and this adds some zest to normal living and has him always keen for further sexual activity.

So rather than wanting release, a man who practices Devotional Sex often doesn’t want to ejaculate because he prefers Exaltation which becomes the relaxed cuddle over an ejaculation and he doesn’t want to feel flat in the hours (or even days) afterwards.

But, like with Hands Free Orgasms, many men have no interest in such advanced techniques – normal sex is fine for them. So what is best for any man is a personal choice.


Q: Devotional Sex sounds like a great deal for long-time couples who are looking to spice things up in the passion department, but can it be applied to short-term flings or friends-with-benefits types of situations?

A: Yes. And as well as being used for flings or F-w-B it is amazing to use from the very start of Dating.

But to go back to what you asked about, for a man to use Devotional Sex for a fling he simply tells his lady friend that he likes to do things a bit differently – that he will do anything she wishes as long as he enjoys it too, that intercourse and everything else is optional and she can just enjoy receiving lots of oral sex if she wishes, and that at the end he doesn’t ejaculate at the end (but loves a cuddle).

For a woman wanting to use Devotional Sex for a fling it is too much to expect that her lucky man will agree to not ejaculate at the end. But she can get him to agree that the ‘price’ of having sex with her is that he agrees to give her control and he will do as she wishes (as long as he is willing) and she promises to give him a good time. This is great way for her to avoid unwanted porn-style sex and enables her to manage the encounter so that they both enjoy all that happens.

With Devotional Friends the friends agree that not only he will never ejaculate when with her and that she decides what happens and doesn’t happen, but that they will never go as far as intercourse. This restriction opens up an amazing playground of adult erotic fun and intimacy where what happens can stay mild or be very sexual as she wishes. This concept isn’t about making normal F-w-B relationships more chaste, but opening up some erotic fun and pleasures when one or both don’t want to go all of the way.


Q: Can a Male Hands Free Orgasm be integrated into Devotional Sex?

A: Yes. A man learning to orgasm without ejaculating is an optional extra to Devotional Sex.

I write about using the Taoist Multi-Orgasmic Man technique because that was my journey. But I know that there are couples practicing Devotional Sex who use the prostate stimulation method, and the other methods you present can also be used.

As with your website, it is all about each man and couple discovering what works best for them.


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