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A Wife’s Guide to Pegging

For much too long, it has been widely perceived that the act of pegging (donning a strap-on for the purpose of sexual penetration) is limited to lesbian partnerships. We don’t blame you if that is the impression that you’ve gotten, too. After all, a quick PornHub search will yield thousands of results based on this, as lesbian strap-on use is quite popular. Of course, PornHub is but one source of online pornography, but this fact is reflected in many other popular porn websites as well. Even if you’re hardly a pornography aficionado, chances are you’ve at least been privy to a conversation, blog post or something similar that suggests that strap-on play is just for lesbians and their female lovers.

This could not be further from the truth.

We are here to debunk this myth and bring to you what might be a surprising truth: women love pegging, but not just pegging other women! For as long as there are men who enjoy being fucked from behind and experience attraction to women, there are women who will happily oblige-and not just as a means of pleasing their partner, but also themselves.

5 Myths about Guys that want to be Pegged

We’ve spent a lot of time in other articles discussing the men who like to be pegged, as well as the myths that surround their love of butt-loving. Are men who like to be pegged secretly gay? Do they all have submission fantasies? The truth is, there is no one reason why a man might enjoy receiving it from behind. This is equally true of the women who love giving it to them.

What does a Woman get out of Pegging?

In the context of opposite-sex relationships, pegging is largely seen as solely focused on male pleasure due to the presence of the prostate and its stimulation via anal penetration-a trait that is exclusive to biological males. But for many women, for whom sexual acts can be far more cerebral and not only physically pleasurable, there is a lot to be gotten out of it.

First, let’s talk about the design of a strap-on. Most are composed of harnesses that fit around the top of the legs and pelvic region, and many of these designs incorporate a strand of material (sometimes regular cloth-like material, sometimes more elegant solutions like a beaded strap) that runs between the legs to provide pleasurable sensations to the giver. When donned by a female partner, this strap is designed to create friction caused by the back-and-forth motion of her thrusts. This motion alone can drive a female partner to a clitoral orgasm if she and her man develop a good pace that works for the both of them.

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Next, let us delve into the more complicated topic of how women experience sex. It’s been said time and time again that women often experience sexual activity on a more deeply mental and emotional level that can be enhanced with the proper combination of sights and sounds. The sounds of her partner moaning in satisfaction, for example, could get her rocks off in no time flat. A lot of women say that their male partners tend to create less noise when they are the ones doing the giving, but it takes a total 180 degrees when the man is on the receiving end.

This is a tremendous turn-on for women, who might be accustomed to more stoic reactions from their men during traditional sex. The writhing and pleasure-fueled moaning is sure to make any woman feel good, if for no other reason than having the knowledge that she’s bringing her partner to the utmost heights of pleasure. For many men who enjoy prostate play, there is no greater climax than one derived from this kind of stimulation. And for women who want sex to be a mutually mind-blowing experience, there is no greater pleasure than seeing their lovers in the throes of ecstasy.

Above we made mention of the myth that all men who enjoy being pegged are secretly submissive. Conversely, there is a rampant myth that women who do the pegging have latent desires for domination and to make their man their sub. This is true in some relationships, but only in some.

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Many couples take part in “switching,” a term used to describe those who do not have a consistently applied power dynamic. Sometimes the woman is the assertive one in bed and sometimes the man is. It really depends on their mood and individual interests. For many women who are tired of always playing the more submissive role in lovemaking, the idea of being the “top” really gets their engines revving. And why wouldn’t it? After all, there are millions of men on this planet who love the thrill of being in control of more aspects of sex-as there are millions of women who are generally satisfied with this dynamic.

But there’s nothing wrong with switching things up, is there? “Variety is the spice of life,” and all that.

For many women, sex inherently has to do with vulnerability. Being naked and getting fucked can be thrilling in the way that you are entirely bare and exposed, and it also requires a fair amount of trust. When vulnerability and genuine trust intersect, men and women can both feel empowered in their sexuality. And sometimes, it’s nice for the woman to not have to be in the position of vulnerability.

“It gives him a better understanding of sex, and we really bond over the shared experience of vulnerability and newness,” says one Cosmopolitan Magazine subscriber of pegging her significant other.

The Male “P-Spot”: The Key to Hands Free Orgasms

A new sex act being introduced to the bedroom (or wherever you get down) can certainly be the thrill that’s needed to put a spark back into any romantic or sexual relationship. And pegging, or any form of anal play wherein the man is the receiver, can unlock new doors that, when entered, provide us more knowledge about our bodies, our lovers’ bodies and what gets us off. That sounds like a win-win to us.

As you can see from everything we discussed above, there is a lot that women can gain from experimenting with pegging their male partners. It might sound like an intimidating undertaking for first-timers, but below we have outlined some tips that will help women ease their men into pegging so that they both get the most out of it.

Ladies: How to Ease your Man into Pegging

First things first, you need to talk about it! This can be uncomfortable sometimes, even in decades-old relationships and marriages, especially if your love life has been closer to vanilla than any other flavor. But if pegging your partner is something that you want to try, there’s no reason not to bring it up, even if it comes as a surprise to him. Hell, he might have even been wanting to ask you about it but hasn’t figured out how to. Who knows? Just ask! The worst thing that can happen is that he might say “no, thanks.” Best case? You’ve got some new moves to flex in the bedroom!

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Communication is essential before you ever don the strap-on, during pegging and afterward. This is not something that you should just charge into without consideration for one another’s feelings, boundaries and worries. When you approach this subject with your man for the first time, consider phrases like:

“What do you think of pegging?”

“I’ve been curious about this, and wanted to know what you thought about it.”

“Lately I’ve been having these fantasies, and I was wondering if you’d want to help me make them come true.”

It helps to give him the option to say no without feeling any pressure. Don’t be demanding and don’t get mean or pouty if he says no. For some men, the ass is an “exit only,” and it’s a shitty thing to do to try and pressure or force any kind of sexual act onto anyone who isn’t digging the idea. So if he says no, tell him that you understand-even if you are disappointed.

So, what happens if he says yes? An equal amount of understanding and patience is required here, as well as ample communication. Discuss with your partner:

• What you think you will both get out of pegging
• Why you are fascinated with trying it
• What concerns he might have about trying pegging
• Steps that both of you can take to make each other feel more comfortable

As the one who will be doing the penetrating, your partner might find it helpful and even reassuring if you take the initiative to introduce them to the concept with care and consideration. Try viewing pornographic videos together, if that’s your speed. There is also a host of online articles and website publications that can help you to navigate this new action together. Try compiling a list of resources that you both might find informative before moving forward. He’ll appreciate the initiative, and it will show him that you are really into this.

When you’re Ready to Begin

1. Make sure that you are both relaxed.
   Tension will make things more difficult and therefore less enjoyable. His body is likely to become more resistant to penetration, no matter how badly his brain wants it. So if the day has been particularly stressful and either of you are finding it impossible to unwind, you might want to save the pegging for another day.
2. Have the important stuff on-hand.
   It’s not enough to just put on a strap-on and go to town on your man’s anus. A good, water-based lube is highly advisable (and plenty of it, too!). We also recommend gloves for foreplay with his bottom, or at the very least a quick trimming of any long finger nails. Some wet wipes might be handy for any “whoopsies,” and a gentle sense of humor is always appreciated in the event of some unexpected gas-passing.
3. Foreplay, foreplay, foreplay!
   You know how sometimes you can’t just get “straight into the action” without a bit of foreplay first? The same is true for him. Oral stimulation, a handjob and other techniques that you would normally use to arouse your man will not only get his body and mind in the mood for some ass-play, but it will also make him more at ease. We strongly recommend incorporating some anal play into your foreplay with the use of fingers. This will help him to get ready for what’s coming next, and allow both of you to get a sensation for where his prostate is. This is where the gloves and/or trimmed nails come into play. You don’t want to end up poking him in ways he doesn’t want to be poked, right?
4. Let him set the pace.
   The first time a strap-on is inserted into his anus, a man might feel briefly tense or otherwise strange as his body becomes adjusted to this brand-new sensation. Going too quickly could hurt or simply not feel so great, which is the opposite of what we are going for here. Let him move his hips to and fro so that he’s the one setting the speed and depth of entry. Once he’s ready for faster or deeper movements, he’ll let you know.

Many men also find that it helps to time the first moment of insertion with the exhale of his breath. This promotes relaxation of both body and mind, and lets him know when exactly you’re going to be entering him. Sometimes surprises are a good thing, but this might not be one of those times.

Caring for Each Other Afterward

How to treat one another after your first pegging experience is often overlooked, because it is not a part of the “main event.” However, we view it as equally important since after-care is an essential part of reconnecting and sharing your perspectives with one another after trying something new for the first time. One or both of you might end up feeling sheepish or even a bit embarrassed, but that’s no reason to skip this step. Discuss matters like:

• What went right during your experience
• What went wrong or could be improved on
• What kind of gratification that you both experienced during the act
• Whether you want to do it again in the future
• How you felt during foreplay and immediately after you were finished

Being on the same page will make it easier to “tweak” things for next time, if you’ve agreed that there will be a next time. He might not be into trying it again, and that’s okay too! At least you made an honest effort, which is better than wondering “what if…” for the rest of your sexual or romantic relationship.

The Ultimate First-Timer’s Guide to Pegging

In guides about pegging and other butt-centric acts, a lot of the focus is placed on the man who will be receiving-and rightfully so. Unfortunately, the woman behind the strap-on is often a side note, a scribbling in the margins of this chapter of a couple’s sexual adventures. But she is more than a phallic device attached to a sturdy harness, and is capable of making mistakes or drawing lines of her own. It’s vital that everybody involved is communicative, honest and accepting of their partner’s desires and limitations alike.

And guys: When your woman’s on board with some pegging action, that means that she wants to please you, not necessarily just herself. Tell her what feels good and what doesn’t. Communicate when things are going too fast or too slow, or when you think it’s time to reach for the lube.

Happy pegging!